


Your idiot

by Aeris444



Category: Merlin (TV) RPF
Genre: Asexual Character, Asexuality, M/M, Misunderstandings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-07
Updated: 2018-05-07
Packaged: 2019-05-03 16:19:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14572824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aeris444/pseuds/Aeris444
Summary: Bradley made a mistake once. Some memories are coming back and he wonder if there is still something to save.





	Your idiot

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the prompt: "Bradley wearing armor for his Italian gig brings back old memories. And he hasn't heard from Colin in a long time. Can they reconnect? And exactly where is Colin?" from archaeologist_d  
> Thanks to mrs_leary for organizing this fest and for the wonderful beta reading!

Bradley moved his arms, following the dresser’s orders mindlessly.

“We can see you’re used to wearing these things.” she said, her English heavy with the Italian accent.

“What?”

“The armor. You wore it a lot for Merlin.” she explained.

“Oh, yes…”

Bradley didn’t know what to add. Of course, he had thought about it himself. The feeling of the light metal around his body, the padding, it had been so familiar. It had brought back so many memories.

Filming in a frozen lake or under pouring rain, the padding getting heavier and heavier. Eoin’s shenanigans that ended with his and Bradley’s armors getting stuck together, Colin’s laughter when Bradley’s armor was squeaking until a prop guy put some oil on it.

Colin. The reason all these memories weren’t really happy ones. Also the reason these memories were so precious.

For an instant, Bradley let himself remember. His first time trying on Arthur’s full armor. It was during a rehearsal for the second episode scene where Arthur was training with Merlin acting as his adversary. 

It had been exhilarating! It was like a young boy’s dream coming true! Playing the knight but holding a real sword and with real metal around his body!

Bradley also remembered the last time he wore Arthur’s chainmail… The last scene they filmed. The last scene of Arthur and Merlin together but already torn apart by death. The last scene with Colin, already torn apart by hidden feelings and unsaid truths.

Bradley saw a hand moving in front of his eyes.

“What?”

“You were lost in your thoughts,” the dresser said. “I’m finished.”

“Oh… Alright. Thanks.”

That day, Bradley blundered nearly all his lines and when he came back to the small flat he rented in Florence, his mind was still full of memories of Merlin and Colin.

***

Strangely, the memories remained in the next few days. It wasn’t the first time that Bradley was hit by a bout of nostalgia for the Merlin years but this time, it was different. 

He was thinking about Colin a lot. About the course of their relationship during those five years during which their lives had been linked. About how they had grown apart. And how it had been his fault.

***

Bradley looked at Colin’s lips. They looked so plump and kissable. It wasn’t the first time that thought had crossed his mind in the past months. But tonight, it felt different. They had had a few drinks with the other guys and felt relaxed. Colin was lying next to him on his bed, slightly closer than usual. He was browsing the on-demand listing, searching for a film they could watch. Bradley could feel his warmth against him and it felt good, like being home and enjoying his Mum’s cooking, like a hot shower after a great football match, like making his dream of becoming an actor come true. It felt so right to have Colin by his side.

That’s what prompted Bradley to act. He turned towards Colin, watched him until Colin looked at him, too. He smiled at him and leaned in, leaving space for Colin to back off. But Colin didn’t move and so Bradley finally kissed him.

His lips were as soft as they looked, their embrace felt perfect. Their kiss deepened and their bodies came even closer.

That’s when, suddenly, Colin pushed Bradley back.

“Bradley… Stop, please.”

“Why?” Bradley asked, not having the impression that something was off.

“I… I can’t do that,” Colin explained, going further away from Bradley to sit on the bed’s edge.

“Do what? Kissing a man? Kissing me?”

Bradley hadn’t really wanted to sound so accusatory but he really didn’t understand what was happening.

“No… It’s not you… I… I just… I don’t do these kind of things.”

“What things? Colin, you responded to that kiss!”

“I… I’m sorry. I’m not… It’s me that’s the problem, ok!” Colin nearly shouted.

And before Bradley could say something else, he had left the room.

***

Bradley knew that, that night, he had been a moron. He should have listened to Colin, trying to understand what was going on rather than being aggressive towards him. His ego had been bruised and he hadn’t been able to leave it behind.

And after that, nothing had been the same between them. They hadn’t talked about it again and where there had been a natural and close friendship between them only remained a tense and distant work relationship.

Katie, Eoin and Rupert had even come to see Bradley, trying to understand what had happened between them. He hadn’t answered and Colin neither based on the fact that nobody had come to punch Bradley in the face.

Months later, they parted. The ending of a five-years long adventure. It had been hard for all of them but harder for Bradley. He had let pass his last chance to talk to Colin, to finally root out the evil. 

***

Now, Bradley had grown up, had learned about his own failures, about people, about the world surrounding him. He knew that he had make a mistake that night… and many other ones after that when his pride had prevented him from going to apologise to Colin. But being older had also made him more aware of the fact that nothing is lost before you’ve tried everything… Going back in time to find his past complicity with Colin was just a silly dream. There was still perhaps a way to tell him how much Bradley regretted his behaviour.

This opportunity came a few weeks later. Bradley was at the pub with Eoin and some other common friends when Eoin mentioned that he was going to see Colin’s new play the next day. 

That night, Bradley went home early and booked two tickets for the play and then called Rupert to convince him to come, too.

***

A week later, after having convinced Rupert to send a message to Colin to let him know they were coming, Bradley and Rupert were sitting in the Hampstead Theater, applauding the cast. The play had been great and Colin was still mesmerising. Bradley had kept his eyes on him each time he was on stage. He had mapped all the familiar details in his appearance, in the way he moved or spoke. And then he had noticed all the things that weren’t there before. It felt strange and Bradley realised that the Colin he was going to meet soon wasn’t the Colin he had left five years ago. 

As the spectators were starting to leave, Bradley and Rupert waited, not wanting to be seen. They had arranged a meeting with the cast through Rupert’s agent and soon a PR person came to bring them backstage.

***

Colin was answering Rupert’s questions about the play and Bradley was barely listening to their conversation. It felt surreal to be close to Colin, to hear his voice, to smell his cologne. 

They kept talking for a moment and Bradley kept his eyes on Colin until Rupert said he had to leave.

“Are you going, too?” Colin asked to Bradley.

Bradley hesitated. It was now or never. If he wanted a chance to talk to Colin, he had to seize it.

“Oh… Hum… No… I’m not in a hurry.”

Colin smiled and they both said goodbye to Rupert. Then, Bradley plucked up his courage to finally ask what he had come to ask.

“Colin… I… There are things I’d like to talk about with you but… here is not the place or the time for it… So, as we’re both in London at the moment, could we…”

“Aren’t you free now? We could have a drink at mine. It’s not that far away.”

Bradley was surprised by Colin’s proposal. Colin who had always been so cautious, who never liked the unexpected.

“Alright, then. Lead the way.”

***

They walked to Colin’s flat in silence. It wasn’t a uncomfortable silence, though. It reminded Bradley of the moments they had shared on the set of Merlin, when they went back to their hotel together after a long day of filming. It was silent like they had all the time in the world to talk later. 

Finally, they reached their destination and Bradley found himself sitting on Colin’s couch. The flat was a perfect reflection of its tenant. Neat but not perfectly so, with just enough things lying around to make the place feel homely. There were books, lots of them, on the tables, in the huge bookshelf, on the windowsill. There were plants, too, adding some more natural touches. The furniture wasn’t new, they were there with their history. It felt so Colin.

“Here you are.” 

Colin gave Bradley a beer and sat next to him. Bradley took the Corona and smiled. Colin was still drinking that thing that barely owned the name of “beer”. He looked at his friend and they exchanged a knowing smile.

“Bradley...Why did you come tonight?” Colin asked, not breaking the contact.

“I… On “The Medicis”, I had to wear armor the other day and it brought back a lot of memories.”

Colin nodded.

“Good ones, mostly,” Bradley continued, “but I also thought about that night in Pierrefonds.”

“Oh…I see” 

By the tone of Colin’s voice, Bradley knew that his friend had guessed which night he meant.

Bradley knew there wasn’t really a right way to broach the subject. It was like a grenade waiting to explode.

“I… I was an idiot that night,” he finally said. 

“Yes… I think you were.”

There wasn’t any anger or blame in Colin’s voice. He was just stating a truth. 

“I… I was so selfish. I just thought about my own feelings and when you pushed me away…”

“I… I didn’t want to push you away, Bradley, “ Colin interrupted. “But… It was too much for me.”

“I went too fast, I know that.”

“No Bradley… It was more than that. I… I was okay with you kissing me. I enjoyed it, truly but… I couldn’t do more than that.”

“I’m not sure I’m following you…”

“I… I don’t do more than kissing. I’m asexual.”

“Oh.”

Bradley was surprised. Not really by what it meant but by the very natural way in which Colin said it.

“It took me a long time to understand myself, to put a word on my feelings. I always loved being kissed… I like hugs, too… But… Doing more, it’s just so stressful and annoying.”

Bradley listened to Colin without interrupting him. He knew it was an important moment for Colin and this time Bradley had to do it right.

“You know, I really thought you’d be different, that you’d understand, that you’d try to see who I really was.”

“Colin…” 

Bradley didn’t know what to say, how to make it better. He had been a idiot, he had been egoistic, thinking about his own pleasure rather than his friend’s feelings. 

“I’m sorry I wasn’t able to listen to you, Colin.”

“Hey, it’s okay… It hurt back then but… It’s in the past now.”

“Then I suppose it’s too late…” Bradley said, dejected.

Colin kept his eyes on the floor and took a deep breath.

“Yes, it’s too late…”

Bradley sighed.

“Too late for the old Colin and the old Bradley.” Colin started talking again. “But we’re both older, now. We’ve changed, grew up.”

Bradley looked at Colin and Colin looked back.

“So perhaps it’s not too late for the new Bradley and the new Colin. What do you thing?” 

A small smile appeared on Colin’s face. Bradley smiled, too and gently took Colin’s hand in his.

“I think that I have been an idiot back then… But I’d love to be your idiot now if you’d let me.”

This time, Colin’s smile reached his eyes and Bradley realised how much he had missed that smile, that special smile.

“You can kiss me, you know, you idiot… My idiot.”

Bradley obeyed.


End file.
